Lunch? Fiesta?

Every Sunday, my brother is responsible for preparing lunch. It’s kind of a Russian Roulette really. Sometimes it’s a hit, sometimes you die. Good thing my brother inherited the good chef genes of my Mom and my Grandmother so most often than not he prepares something that’s quite uhm, yummy.

 

So the menu for this Sunday goes like this.

 

Sinigang na ulo at itlog nag maya-maya

Good, because I only eat fish that cost 200 pesos per kilo and up with the exception of tilapia and tamban. Come on, if a fish variety costs less than that it’s probably too bony, too scaly, really small. And you wouldn’t want to eat that now would you?

 

Hey, I saw an episode of Iron Chef America where one of the challengers made Miso ice cream. Wala lang. Thought I’d share.

 

Paksiw na pata

One of my lola’s favorite. Never mind that she has diabetes and high blood pressure that reads, on average, 190/110. If she wants to suck on those pig trotters no one can stop her.

 

Inihaw na belly ng blue marlin

Another expensive fish so I had to eat it. Sounds so sosyal ‘no? My niece, Ashley – uber-cute – is having an I’m-a-mermaid-and-my-name-is-Ariel phase. And one of her favorite food in the world is fish. Something is wrong there.

 

Kinilaw na seaweed na may sibuyas

Is it seaweed or gulaman dagat? My lola calls it LATO. My brother and I learned to eat this from my lolo and my dad. That and snail, frogs, oyster, sea urchin among others.

 

Ensaladang talong

Everyone contributed so I had to make something. And it had to be a vegetable dish. Anyway, I don’t think anyone was impressed.

Well

I hate Angelina Jolie. Well, I used to love her until she messed with my girl Jennifer Aniston. But anyway, I’ve read many times that Angelina’s best performance ever was not in “Girl, Interrupted” – which, gave her an Oscar – but for “A Mighty Heart” – which was snubbed by the Academy.

See her breakdown scene

So for the longest time, I wanted to watch the movie to check out Angie’s supposedly spectacular performance but I don’t want to betray my girl Jen – yes, in my mind we are BFFs so shut up. I finally have an excuse to watch it – I am studying film, research.

Now, I do not want to praise Angie in anyway so let me sum up my review of her performance in two words.

 

IN FAIRNESS.

 

That’s the best compliment that I could give her.

Growing Gayspeak

Recently, a friend forwarded a text message which supposedly lists the latest additions to the “Badingtionary.” I, almost automatically, forwarded the message to everyone on my list – I dream of a world that accepts baklese as a formal language, demmet!

 

I am amazed at how the Pinoy gay lingo evolves. I observed that the language is almost 80% dependent on current events and pop culture so a revision is required every six months – at least. 

 

But anyway, here are some of the words that MY PEOPLE recently concocted:

 

1.       Aglipay – ugly kept man/woman of a foreigner, “ugly Pinoy, ugly Pinay”

2.       Anjanette – “I’m coming!”

3.       Barclay – Baclaran

4.       Bethlehem – testicles

5.       Cadillac – to walk

6.       Chemistry – to joke, BS, kiyeme

7.       Daisy Farm – Philippine Women’s University, a place to pick-up teenage boys as in daisy-sais, daisy siyete…

8.       Difficult – poverty-stricken

9.       Eclipse – to sleep

10.   Exhaust fan – a stupid person

11.   Flat shoes na may takong – yes

12.   Galema – traitor

13.   Hagedorn – tired

14.   Jason Pamintuan – straight-acting gay (this one got me laughing because all the Jason I know is gay.)

15.   King Kong Barbie – effeminate muscular gay man

16.   Lotlot and friends – losers of a contest, especially beauty pageants

17.   Moon Crystal Power – beautiful only at night (Sailormoon truly is a gay icon.)

18.   Narcisa – nurse

19.   Pa-essence – “let me taste” (so pa-experience is obsolete?)

20.   Peninsula – penis

21.   Standard – old gay man (so institution is obsolete?)

22.   Success Story – ugly gay man who hooked up with really hot guy (I think this is a matter of perspective, one man’s success story is another man’s mercy fuck.)

23.   Trixie – tricycle

24.   Voltron – ugly muscular gay man, “baklang maton”

25.   Yema – icky residue after anal intercourse (why?)

 

If you know any new gay words, please let me know. E-mail me @ reignloleng@gmail.com. Seriously, I’m collecting them.

Currently Crushing On…

James Blake – Tennis Player

He is currently ranked 10^th in the world. Sure he did not win any singles title this year but who cares? As long as he continues to play wearing those oh so sexy sleeveless shirts he’s tops for me. In my opinion, he has the second sexiest biceps in tennis – after Rafa. And Sega Sports Tennis PSP edition lists him as having powerful strokes… so.

 

 

Ryan Agoncillo – Actor/TV Host

Yes. My obsession has been renewed since he cut his hair short and started wearing glasses again. I was so tempted to add “Juday’s future ex-husband” on the header but then again, I have to admit, they kinda look good together. He is currently hosting “Talentadong Pinoy” which airs on TV5 every Saturday 6PM. And very soon on an ABS-CBN primetime drama “Pieta” and the Pinoy edition of Fear Factor.

 

 

 

 

 

Jason Hawke – Porn Star

Those eyes! He recently broke up with his porn star boyfriend Jeremy Jordan who is famous for his precum (ew) and that makes Jason more crushable. Not that I have a shot now that he is single but seriously if you know Jeremy Jordan you know what I mean. See more of Jason at http://www.JasonHawkeXXX.com.

 

 

 

 

 

Balthier – Sky Pirate

I have just recently finished playing Final Fantasy XII on PS2 (for the 3^rd time) and I have to admit that Balthier’s character is the most well-written in the game. I am crushing on him because he has this bad boy swagger that I find sexy. Okay, is it gross that I am giggling while typing this? And look at his vest-ish outfit? Any man – computer generated or not – who can pull that off is sexy to me.

 

 

 

 

Rudy Cisneros – Boxer/Reality Show Contestant

 

Rudy was a contestant on the second season of Mark Burnett’s The Contender. He was eliminated by the second episode I think. The big reason why I am crushing on him? He cried when he lost his fight.

 

 

 

 

James Marsden – Actor

 

I renewed my crush on him after watching Enchanted. He was so silly borderline cute as the Prince. Why Giselle picked McDreamy over him is beyond my comprehension. For a sexier serving of Marsden go get a copy of 27 Dresses with Katherine Heigl.

 

 

 

 

Joel McHale – TV Host

 E!’s The Soup is my current new addiction. The show is laugh out loud funny and it talks about the TV shows that I watch and hate at the same time, i.e., Keeping Up With The Kardashians, anything with Tyra Banks. Joel McHale hosts, writes and produces The Soup. Comic genius + tall + cute smile = NEW CRUSH!

 

 

 

 

Lee Pace – Actor

 

I almost didn’t want to put him in this list because I think I am not exactly sure if I am crushing on Lee Pace or on Ned the character he plays in Pushing Daisies. But one thing for sure, the one time he had a topless scene in Pushing Daisies (dream sequence, Olive wearing Chuck’s skin) my DVD player went on overdrive. I hit rewind, slow motion, pause, zoom. His next project is a movie entitled Possession co-starring Sarah Michelle Gellar. This does not bode well for Lee.

 

Sendhil Ramamurthy – Actor

 

Every time I tell someone that I am crushing on Mohinder Suresh the reactions have been negative. Some were appalled. Some were disgusted. Some were grossed out. I don’t get it. Seriously. I think he is the hottest guy on Heroes! Anyway, Kiristin Dos Santos of E! gave a Heroes 3^rd season spoiler clue: one cast member who has no super powers will definitely be “empowered.” Who would it be? Mr. Bennett? Mohinder Suresh? Ando?

 

 

 

 T.I. – Rapper 

Why is it so trendy in Hollywood for celebrities to have their own clothing line? Seriously, I am crushing on TI but I won’t buy his clothes. This picture does not do him justice. Have you seen him half-naked? He makes thin look sexy on guys.

 

Imelda Marcos, Robin Padilla – One Elevator

          INT. ELEVATOR – DAY

          ROBIN PADILLA, wearing a classic Pinoy action hero black
          leather jacket is tinkering with his cellphone.

          The elevator stops to a halt at the 15th floor. The door
          opens and IMELDA MARCOS appears.

          She recognizes Robin and smiles. Robin smiles back politely.
          Too politely with almost a bow to a queen.

                              IMELDA
                    Bababa ba?

                              ROBIN
                    Bababa.

          Imelda lets out a soft laugh.

                              IMELDA
                    Funny. We had a complete
                    conversation using only one
                    syllable.

                              ROBIN
                         (confused)
                    Ha?

                              IMELDA
                    Nothing.

          Suddenly, a loud noise coming from the shaft. The elevator
          quickly stops.

          Imelda looks calm despite the situation.

          Robin looks panicked. He starts pushing the elevator buttons
          rapidly. Nothing happens.

          He knocks on the doors.

                              ROBIN
                    Tao po? Saklolo?

          No one answers. Robin starts to look VERY panicked. He slams
          the doors with both hands. He starts to sweat. He slams all
          the walls of the elevator.

          Finally, he lies down on a fetal position.

          Imelda looks at him with amazement.

                              ROBIN
                         (almost crying, talking very
                         very fast)
                    Ito na ang katapusan. Babagsak ang
                    elevator ng mabilis na mabilis.
                    Mamamatay na tayo.
                    Magkakalasog-lasog ang ating mga
                    katawan. Paano na ang mga anak ko?
                    Paano na mga show ko?

                              IMELDA
                    Ano nangyayari sa ‘yo?

                              ROBIN
                    Your highness, klawstropobya ako e.

                              IMELDA
                    You mean you have claustrophobia?
                    You need to relax.

                              ROBIN
                    Relak? Wala pong mangyayari sa
                    parelak-relak! Sa mga ganitong
                    pagkakataon kailangan po
                    nagpa-panic ka marami tumakbo isip
                    mo?

                              IMELDA
                         (frustrated)
                    Do you have a cellphone, hijo?

          Robin produces a cellphone from his leather jacket. He hands
          it to Imelda.

          She looks at the cellphone.

                              IMELDA (CONT’D)
                    Walang signal, dear.
                        

                              ROBIN
                    Imposible po. Talk ‘N Text ‘yan!

          Imelda returns the phone to Robin. He examines the phone.

                              ROBIN
                    Sanamagan! Sabi nila kahit saan may
                    signal ‘to a!

          Robin throws the phone. He is on the verge of tears.

          Imelda tries the elevator EMERGENCY BUTTON. Nothing happens.

                              IMELDA
                    Oh dear! I guess we’ll have to
                    wait.

                              ROBIN
                    Wait!? Gaano po kaya katagal your
                    higness?

                              IMELDA
                    Who knows.

          Robin starts to cry hysterically.

                              IMELDA
                    Oh my! That’s so unbecoming!

                              ROBIN
                         (screaming)
                    Mommy!

          Imelda sits beside Robin. She tries to comfort him. She
          starts to sing her signature song: “Dahil Sa ‘Yo.”

          Robin slowly crawls to Imelda. He rests his head on her lap.
          He is starting to calm down.

          Suddenly, the door opens.

          A WOMAN appears. She looks stunned seeing Imelda and Robin.

                              WOMAN
                    I’ll take the next one. I’ll let
                    you two have your moment.

          The woman walks away. Robin and Imelda looks stunned.

MTG: Missed

I miss playing Magic: The Gathering. Do you still play? Contact me. Meanwhile, I will entertain myself by making my own deck.

Ultra rare.

IPod Shuffled

Pick up your Ipod. Hit Shuffle. List down the first 10 songs to play. Now you know your self a little better.

 

1.       Macarena by Los Del Rio – Yes. I admit. This song is still in my IPod. And I still know the lines by heart. Sue me.

2.       I Can Love You Like That by All-4-One – Cheesy 90’s love song. Why oh why is this on my IPod?

3.       Semi-Charmed Life by Third Eye Blind – Whatever happened to them?

4.       Unbreak My Heart by Toni Braxton – This song marks the return of La Braxton from bankruptcy. Catch her on the new season of “Dancing with the Stars”.

5.       You Were Meant For Me by Jewel – Alaska is “uso” again thanks to Gov. Sarah Palin. Perhaps a comeback for Jewel? Her last single “Intuition” really sucked.

6.       Time After Time by INOJ – Yey for So So Def!

7.       Do You Know (What It Takes) by Robyn – Awwww. I heard Robyn is doing techno now. Must research this.

8.       Sunny Came Home by Shawn Colvin – This is so Dawson’s Creek.

9.       She’s So High by Tal Bachman – The song reminds me of 90’s teen flicks.

10.   Fast Love by George Michael – One of the sexiest music videos of all time.

 

All 10 songs are from the 90’s. Realization? I’m ancient.

An Old Journal Entry (Revisited In Parentheses)

For the past few months my friends and I have been feeling like the cosmos is sending us something. We feel it all the time and the fact that the phrase “the cosmos is sending a message” has been now incorporated in our in-group jargon (Eww. How dare we assume that the cosmos communicates with us? God we were so full of ourselves!). For instance, crappy things happen to us lately (We were in college. Of course this was the norm). I have been drooling about a certain professor for the past month (Oh my God! It’s Ondevilla!). After a lot of effort to make him like me I have come to the conclusion that I am deluded and nothing will happen (Still true to this day). Then, out of the blue he sends a text message. The first was a message to inspire me then a forwarded love quote (I remember Paul, Maui and I talking about this over pancit and pasta.) I hate love quotes (Still partially true). I feel squeamish every time I receive some crappy love quote that makes no sense at all (Who wouldn’t be?). But this is different. His quote wasn’t bad at all but it’s the kind of message that doesn’t require much effort of thinking (As opposed to the text messages that the ex used to send? Now that requires much thought). Is it ironic that he sends me such messages during the time that I am pining for someone else and starting to spread rumors about him (Wow! Was I really that deluded? Do not answer that)? Is it ironic or is it a bummer?

 

Then comes Jiminy Cricket (Oh this is Jerome. Unfunny Disney nickname). I love him (Stab me). I really do (Stab me repeatedly with a dull knife). After much calories burned to get him to like the diva in me I gave up the fight (I got him anyway). He was too stern and unyielding. He says he wouldn’t compromise his beliefs and principles (He had them?). I was shocked. I never thought that a doormat with no personality could have balls. Shocking of all is that he dared clash me. ME (Oh my God! Reign = delusional)! Then again, he knows how much I obsess about him so let’s face it – he has the power (Not exactly. A year later, he told me that he was in love with me. So I win).

 

One night of ennui (I used that word?) filled telephone conversation; he has sent a somewhat intriguing stimulus. He has admitted that he had a homosexual attraction before (Now, I heard, he is so gay it’s like not even funny)! Was he attracted to me (Yes)? To some other guy (Yes)? Who knows (Now, everyone does)? I dare not ask for I think any answer would just complicate the matter (But I did anyway).

 

Another story is that of Simoun (Blue glasses? El Fili? Marco? Unfunny Rizal nickname). My episode with him is the most embarrassing experience ever (Understatement of the millennium). I had the worst anxiety attacks in my life (So true). I puked in public. I puked in the streets (With Paul watching oh so gleefully). I puked in the ladies’ room (With Larae holding my hair up). I puked on myself. I was just at the point of realizing that I am so over him then he makes his presence felt again (Had a Marco episode a few weeks back. I may not be totally over him. But then again I never really got over anyone completely). I thought I was a raving bitch (Not anymore) but behind my cold icy exterior is a crybaby, whiny, softy glob of protoplasm (Self loathing much?). Dare I say it again but he has reduced me to shit (Me reposting this is almost heroic). What does this mean (Nothing)? Why is he doing this to me (Because I allowed him to)? Is someone asking him to this because he wants to see me meltdown (The “plants” I suspect)?

 

So now I ask the cosmos. Are you sending me a message (No)? Do you hate me (No because I am insignificant)? Do you want to see me cry (Nobody does, maybe except Paul)? Puke? Die? Be embarrassed? Why do you do this? And if you guys are sending me a message, could I please get a second transmission (No thanks. I’d rather not)?

 

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN SEPTEMBER 9, 2003.

Picture This!

LRT never looked so ancient

 

Funniest surname ever. This is from a guy whose last name is LOLENG.

 

Would have been so cool if not for the "balde" in the background.

I Haven’t Been Eating Enough

I checked 31 out of 100. I am not as uhm well-eaten(?) as I hoped.

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
4) Optional extra: Post a comment here at http://www.verygoodtaste.co.uk/ linking to your results.

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp (I echo Ichi’s sentiments. Never again. Caught one with my dad in a fishpond in Laguna.)
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari (Like, twice a month.)
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich (So very American, so I had to try.)
14. Aloogobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart (Pinoy version – questinable meat.)
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes (Yes. Not my thing. Wine, in general, is not my thing.)
19. Steamed pork buns (Duh.)
20. Pistachio ice cream (First and only time I tried it was with my stepsiblings on a trip to Tagaytay.)
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foiegras
24. Rice and beans (If we are talking about Pork and Beans and rice then, yeah.)
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters (With my Dad in Matabungkay. So gross)
29. Baklava
30. Bagnacauda
31. Wasabi peas ( Yes. Eww gross. And I’ve tried the wasabi chips too. The authnetic one, not mass produced Oishi.)
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl (I made this myself, thank you very much.)
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float (Whatever happened to A & W?)
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O (Warning: may get you really really soused. Trust me.You lose count.)
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail (Kare-kare.)
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects (Accidentally.)
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikkamasala
48. Eel (Unagi.)
49. KrispyKreme original glazed doughnut (Because it’s uso. Ano ba!?)
50. Sea urchin (Never again.)
51. Prickly pear
52.Umeboshi
53. Abalone (Better than tuna. Much.)
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal (A couple of times. I’m more of a Quarter Pounder type of guy.)
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores (Made some with my cousins on a beach trip.)
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian (It’s not my thing but I never really thought that it’s that disgusting.)
66. Frogs’ legs (Love it! My Dad introduced me to fried frogs’ legs when I was very young. Last time I had one was with my ex. Sniff.)
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake (had my first churros with my Mom.)
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain (Arroz a la Cubana.)
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail (Again my Dad introduced me to escargot. God, now that I think about it, my Dad and I had some weird food bonding moments.)
79. Lapsangsouchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers (Lots. I even ate santan as a kid. Not the nectar. The flower.)
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam (My pantry cabinet is filled with Spam. I am preparing for the next nuclear holocaust.)
92. Soft shell crab (Yes.)
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish (With gata? Yes. Fried? Never.)
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor (Because I can afford it. Before.)
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake